A new directive will ensure all toilet roll dispensers will be fitted with mud guards in an attempt to clean up the city.

Complaints about the potential damage that could be inflicted on the environment have flooded the hygene departments for several decades now. As there is an election coming up soon, 'those in power and are better than us' now seen it fit to act.

"We who rule you have only your best interests at heart" a receptionist from the offices told us. "This is exactly what the people want and care about the most, so we are making it our top priority". Before we managed to leave they added "It's all about saving the planet, not about us at all."