There was outrage as the new keyboard designs were unveilled in Holland last night. The orange buttons to be added as standard to all keyboards from January are equipped with shourcuts to call 'accounting', 'broker' and 'bookie' randomly applied to all keyboards.

"It was always going to happen" said Mr Whatthef, a representative of the financial sector. "People will all need direct access to the most important things in thier life, so we give them a button that they can just press."

Mr Whatthef then spent an entire hour justifying why this is so much better than the internet, but our 8 year old reporter remained unconvinced.